Greetings listeners,
My post for today is longer than most, perhaps because I felt there was a lot to explain about my recent decision to give mushroom supplements a try. My dog was of course joining us on the bed, so I had to spend a bit of time talking about him.
He even snores quietly at the beginning of the file, but you’d probably need headphones to pick it up.
Then I briefly discussed my mental health, and a recent experience of trying a natural supplement that worked… not. As if I thought a little pill would make me better, but anyway, I’ve always had trouble swallowing pills, so I talk about that for a while as well. A transcript has been taken and edited with the help of Chat GPT.
Feel free to respond via mention on Mastodon if you’re following the #AudioMo hashtag, or comment here on this post. Take care, and I hope everyone has a lovely day! The transcript can be found below.
Audio Transcript
(Audio begins with the sound of the air conditioner, and a very faint dog snoring before I start talking about eight seconds in.)
Not sure if you could make that sound out—if you have headphones on, you might be able to pick it up—but if it sounded like a silent introduction to you, it wasn’t completely.
My name is Melissa Rowe. I’m lying here on the bed next to my retired guide dog. He’s 12 years old, as I mentioned in yesterday’s post. Since he’s much older, he prefers to just lay around the house and, obviously, take care of his needs. He’s lying on the queen-size bed I have in the guest room of my house. I call it a guest room, but honestly, it’s really my little she-shed. I have my computer in here, my new braille graphics embosser, and a few other things. This is kind of my little recording area/office space/whatever.
There’s not much room in here—it’s pretty cluttered. And just like how Zappa loves to take up so much space on the couch, I’ve been relegated to one small spot on the bed. He’s not really stretched out today; his legs are curled in, and he’s lying on his side. But I’m laying right here next to him. He just wanted to come up on the bed for a cuddle. So, joined by my furry companion as always.
Today, though, I wanted to talk about my new experience—this is quite new—into mushroom supplements. I won’t spend too much time talking about my mental health, but to give a bit of context: I’ve had major depression and anxiety since I was about 10 years old. I didn’t have many good experiences with therapists at first. In fact, one therapist actually said to me, “You’re blind. This is the way life is. Snap out of it.”
It wasn’t that I couldn’t accept my blindness—I could. I just couldn’t accept the way the world was treating me because of my blindness. That was the issue I dealt with for many, many years. Because of that experience, I refused any kind of mental healthcare for a long time.
I’ve obviously since gone to therapy. My first attempt a few years ago didn’t end horribly, but it wasn’t the best experience. I think that therapist assumed that because I was in a master’s program, I had everything figured out, and could make big decisions. But I wasn’t—and still am not—in the mental space to do that. I’ve got so many responsibilities right now that I can only focus on what’s in front of me.
Anyway, I’ve been desperately searching for natural ways to manage—not just my depression—but to feel better overall. My first attempt was with some supplements that included serotonin, St. John’s Wort, and a few other things I can’t recall. That was a couple of months ago. I was really bummed because a review said the capsules were large—and I have a serious issue swallowing pills.
I’ve always had a very sensitive gag reflex. There’s this instinct to want to chew the pill into tiny pieces. My throat just panics. Even as a little girl, I struggled. Chewables were fine, but once I was around 12 to 14, I couldn’t swallow pills to save my life.
When I was 16, I was diagnosed with epilepsy after having a seizure. My parents had to give me medication, and I had to learn to swallow pills. It got to the point where my dad was ready to take a straw and literally blow the pill down my throat. He actually tried once. That’s how desperate they were. It was not a pleasant experience, and I’ve carried trauma around swallowing pills ever since.
That’s as much as I’ll reveal because that’s a vulnerable place for me. But yeah, I bought those mood supplements, and they worked—well, they might have worked. But I couldn’t get them down my throat. That’s the problem. The capsules were large.
One reason I don’t like buying vitamin supplements is the size. My doctor said I should take vitamin D. I’ll take the little tiny ones. But most of the time, when I pick up a bottle, the pills are huge. And they’re not capsules—they’re tablets, which are even harder. Capsules are a little more forgiving because they’re softer. But those tablets? I don’t know how people do it.
So now I have a bottle sitting in my nightstand drawer that I can’t use. I gave up for a bit. But then I had to get a psych evaluation for school, and the doctor asked if I’d tried things like acupuncture. I told her how discouraged I felt about not being able to swallow capsules. The coating on one capsule even got soft and started to fall apart, and I had to toss it. Wasteful and disheartening.
But I’ve heard about the medicinal benefits of mushrooms—not psychedelic ones, though I know some have benefited from psychedelic therapy. That’s something I do want to try eventually. But right now, I’m talking about medicinal mushrooms like lion’s mane.
I didn’t do extensive research, but I learned a bit. For example, “full spectrum” means they use both the mycelium and the fruiting body of the mushroom. I didn’t know that before. The supplement I got included lion’s mane and a few others. Lion’s mane is said to help with cognitive function, which makes sense—lions are sharp and agile.
I specifically looked into capsule size before buying. Reviews said they were small and easy to swallow. I’ve seen really small capsules, like antibiotics, that aren’t bad. These mushroom capsules came in more of a jar than a bottle, which I guess is typical for natural supplements. I’d say they’re medium-sized—not as big as others I’ve seen, but not tiny either. Still, that gave me anxiety.
I read tips on how to swallow pills more easily. One suggestion was to lean your head forward—not backward—because it helps the capsule go down better. That surprised me. I always thought leaning back would let gravity help. But apparently not.
I also tried taking it with soda instead of water. Water makes the capsule stand out in my mouth, which triggers that urge to throw up. With soda or smoothies, I don’t notice the capsule as much, so it’s a bit easier.
The main issue with supplements is that they’re often large because they’re packed with ingredients. I really wish manufacturers would consider people who struggle with swallowing pills. I should be taking more vitamins, but I just can’t. It’s like a form of torture to me. Swallowing pills is painful and uncomfortable. I remember putting the cap back on the mushroom jar and thinking, this is just another one of Dante’s levels of hell.
Still, I’ve committed. For the month of June, I bought a 30-day supply—90 capsules total, three a day. You can either take one per meal or all three at once. I prefer all three at once to just get it over with. Spreading it out would mean anxiety all day.
So yesterday, June 1, and today, I’ve done just that. Some reviewers said they noticed effects immediately. Others said it took about a week. I’m giving myself two weeks to see if I notice anything. I do wonder how much of those effects are placebo. People know they’re taking something that’s supposed to help, so they feel good. But I’m trying to be realistic.
So far, yesterday wasn’t the best day to start. I was hot, had allergies, and was super moody. I didn’t want to blame the supplements, though, because today I feel better. I haven’t noticed a huge change in cognitive function yet—again, it’s only been two days—but I did reflect on why I was so moody.
My husband was really needy yesterday. Not just needing help, but emotionally. He was fixated on Disney, Aladdin, Tarzan—all that—and he just kept talking. I had stuff to do and got overwhelmed. I noticed today, too, that I was a bit short with him when I was trying to get an assignment done. I didn’t want to ignore him, but I was really focused on my task. That might be a side effect—I had a more singular focus, and interruptions frustrated me more.
Maybe that’s part of the supplement working, or maybe I was just hot and irritable from the summer weather. Who knows? I’m just observing and noting how I feel.
I don’t want to self-diagnose or get swept up in placebo effects. If it works, great. If it doesn’t, that’s okay too. I just want to be honest with myself. I’m committed to trying natural treatments because I don’t like how pharmaceuticals make me feel. And yes, I found out my insurance covers acupuncture, which I didn’t know until a few months ago. I need to follow up on that.
Hopefully, I’ll find more supplements that work for me. But I also know that I may need to physically go into a store, feel the bottles, and estimate capsule sizes before buying. This whole process has been an experience—and it’s only just beginning.
That’s a wrap for now. See you tomorrow!